Sociolinguistics 2018: Random TV Quotes

As usual, I find that Fox animation is a veritable gold-mine for (probably) never-before-uttered sentences:

FAMILY GUY:

Lois to Peter: "I want you to do me so hard we have to change churches."
Stewie: "Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster."
Stewie, while plucking a banjo: "Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy, I want a mullet!"
Peter: "Christmas is the time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living and we sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep."

BOB'S BURGERS:

Bob: "I'm just a little tired. Also, I might be a pimp."
Gene offers up a nice portmanteau: "[I'm wearing] trash fashion. I call it trashion."

THE SIMPSONS:

On Treehouse of Horror XIX, Krusty the Clown is getting ready to kill Homer when Homer asks, "What is the one true religion?" Krusty replies, "It's a mix of voodoo and Methodism."
Marge, talking about Bart: "There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome."
Mr. Burns provides an unfortunate example of homonyms when he speaks about not wanting a woman on board a ship: "I think women and seamen don't mix."

TREVOR NOAH: (I adore the Daily Show!)

Trevor talking about India abolishing the Muslim law that allows men to divorce their wives simply by saying "divorce" three times: "Can you do it by text? Is it all on one text, or three separate texts?
"Trump is a social pyromaniac."
"Roy Moore is the bibliest [baibliEst] person that ever ran for anything..." and "I've never heard anyone deny their way into a confession." (He was referring to when Moore said he doesn’t remember “dating any girl without the permission of their mother.”)
Lewis Black as guest commentator: "A train without a track isn't even a train...it's a hobo fuck palace!"
Trevor talking about the incompetence of the White House: "...sloppier than a bulldog orgy!"
Trevor referring to Trump lying on Twitter during a hearing about him lying on Twitter: "Trump is live-lying the hearing!"
Trevor had author Matt Taibbi on the show talking about his book, "Insane Clown President" (a riff on the band "Insane Clown Posse), and Taibbi said, "Consuming facts as consumers...we shop for facts the same way we shop for hats, shoes, or, you know, radial tires. We shop for things we like." Brilliant statement!

TRULY RANDOM:

In the most recent season of Doctor Who, companion Bill points out that T.A.R.D.I.S. (an acronym for Time and Relative Dimension in Space) wouldn't make sense to an alien because the acronym wouldn't work in other languages. It's a running bit for all new companions to point out that the T.A.R.D.I.S. is bigger on the inside, but this is what she says instead. A surprised doctor frowns and replies, "People don't usually bring THAT up."
A bar sign shown on the Chris Hardwick show "@Midnight": "Due to physical violence, shit-faced Mondays have been cancelled."
Chris Hardwick correctly predicted that people would be masturbating in self-driving cars, saying "I didn't mean to Nostrodamus that!" (a proper name turned into a verb) (The linguistic term for turning nouns into verbs is actually called "verbing.") https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-verbing-1691035
Chris Hardwick talking about an upcoming convention dedicated to emojis, called "Emojicon" (a great example of portmanteau!)
Colin Jost on Saturday Night Live referring to mild-mannered James Comey: "He looks like if the word gosh became a person."
Michael Che on Saturday Night Live feigning surprise, "Well, clutch my pearls!" This is actually a common dialectical phrase in the south, and there are several memes about it now, including one of my favorites:

Sociolinguistics 2018